honoring one’s parents

“The Torah’s Radical Approach to Child Rearing”
(updated and revised from Kee Teitzei 5763-2003)

In parashat Kee Teitzei, we learn of the law of the Ben Sorer u'Moreh, the wayward and rebellious son. The Code of Jewish Law sets out very precise guidelines for child rearing that, at first blush, appear to be extremely harsh. However, after careful analysis, we see that the Torah is basically establishing firm boundaries between parent and child, that leads to a healthy and loving parent-child relationship.

“The Torah’s Radical Approach to Parenting”
(Revised and updated from Va’etchanan 5760-2000

In parashat Va’etchanan, we learn of the famed “fifth commandment” calling for honoring father and mother. The Code of Jewish Law goes into extensive detail regarding the obligations of honoring and revering parents. A cursory study of the Code’s directives seem to place all the obligations on the children and extend to the parents all power and authority. Ultimately, Judaism attempts to create a very delicate balance. The radical regulations of parenting set down in the Talmud and in our Code are based on insights of our Torah. They are not only ancient and insightful, they also work.

“What Shall I Do, My Parents Hate Him?!”

In parashat Chayei Sarah, we encounter the world’s first shidduch (arranged marriage) and the world’s first shadchan (matchmaker). In the past, we have discussed how Jewish law mandates that a woman not be married against her will, but what about the more general question related to children who refuse to listen to their parents’ opinion regarding choosing a mate, and wish to marry mates to whom their parents object? What is the protocol?

"The Willing Bride"

When Rebecca is asked by her family members if she wishes to join Eliezer on his journey back to Abraham in Canaan, she responds with a forceful "Yes!" Her response serves as a basis for several important laws that govern parent-child relationships in Judaism.

"The Torah's Radical Approach to Child Rearing"

In parashat Kee Teitzei, we learn of the law of the Ben Sorer U'moreh, the wayward and rebellious son. The Code of Jewish Law sets out very precise guidelines for child rearing that at first blush seem extremely harsh. However, after careful analysis, we see that the Torah is basically establishing boundaries between parent and child, leading to a healthy and loving parent-child relationship.

"The Torah's Radical Approach to Parenting"

In parashat Va'etchanan, we learn of the fifth commandment of honoring father and mother. The Code of Jewish Law goes into extensive detail regarding the obligations of honoring and revering parents. A cursory study of the Code's directives seem to place all the obligations on the children and all the privileges on the parents. However, Judaism attempts to create a very delicate balance. The radical regulations of parenting set down in the Talmud and in our Code are based on insights of our Torah. They are ancient and insightful, and they work.